Gulf Coast Highway

Although my childhood wasn't perfect (whose is?), there are a few extra-amazing things that my parents did for me that I could never thank them enough for -- in addition to keeping me fed and clothed and all of that. These are the things I pray to emulate if I ever have kids:

- Unschooling.
I don't talk about it as much as I used to, but suffice to say I am not a big fan of the public school system. This is one area where I'm all about revolution over reform. My public school stories aren't very horrifying compared to some I've heard, and I was only in school through third grade, but I don't think I'd be the same if I had stayed. I'll save my specific problems with public schooling for another time, but thank goodness my mom read John Holt. Instead of being shuffled around and graded and condescended to, I read books I wanted to read, I went to the zoo with my mom, I played with kids who (relatively speaking) all loved each other, I hung out with entire families instead of just kids my own age, I debated politics with my dad, I ran around the real world, I loved my brother, I started volunteering when I was 12 and started working when I was 14. There is no personal philisophy more important to me than the idea of choice and free will, and there is no part of my life where I've experienced all of choices laid in front of me like I did with my self-education.

- Honesty.
I don't believe in the 'radical honesty' movement that is popular with some of the unschoolers I know. I don't want to be completely honest with everyone all the time, I think that there are plenty of feelings that can't and shouldn't be expressed out loud. However, I do strive to be as honest with my family as I can and I think they mostly do the same. Questions were encouraged, about anything from spirituality to politics to my friends. As an adult, my relationship with my parents resembles my relationships with my best chosen friends, because we lay our feelings in front of each other as often as possible. I love that.

- Freedom.
Related to homeschooling, but more than that. As a teenager, when many kids I knew were being handed curfews and rules as complicated as bibles, my parents trusted me. They believed that I would make smart choices, and from a parents' perspective I almost always did. Probably not an unrelated consequence. you know? Once I felt more or less like an adult, my parents more or less treated me like one and I don't know how I would have dealt with them not believing in me. As a result of not having a curfew or rules about who came over, I cultivated what remains one of the healthiest relationships with another person I've ever had, spent lots of late late nights really getting to know my friends -- male and female, and never drank or did drugs or slept around or broke laws. And the trust that we had made it natural to transition into a mature, loving relationship with my parents as we all matured. Awesome!

- Music.
There was always, always, always music around me. I remember my mom blasting Austin singer-songwriters in the minivan and sitting in the backseat thinking of who each song reminded me of. We went to go see bands and musicians all the time, my first trip to Kerrville Folk Festival was at age 10. My mom accompanied me to my first show-of-my-own-choosing, They Might Be Giants, cause she loved them too. She taped Cat Stevens and Joni Mitchell and I jacked the tapes for my Walkmen. I talk about new music and indie-rock an awful lot, but no song in the world breaks my heart like Nanci Griffith's 'Always Will'. My parents each have excellent taste and I bet I could be listening to My Chemical Romance right now if it wasn't for them.